Jokes

[Nataly]

Let's tell different jokes))


I'll start:

Russian soup

Russians refresh themselves with this cold soup made of ice-cold kvass
(weird national drink most closely compared to non-alcoholic beer), sausage,
cucumbers, onions, boiled eggs and sour cream - just imagine this horrendous
concoction!!… And guess what they call this «soup»… They call it «Ohkroshka»…
pretty difficult to articulate, huh? And now get ready for a translation.
«Ohkroshka» means «Oh baby»!

[SweetGirl]

A Scotsman was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said: "Is my wife here?"
His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.."
The Scot goes: "Are my children here?"
"Yes, daddy, we are all here?" say the children.
The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say: "Yes, we are all here..."
The Scot gets up and says: "Then why the heck is the light on in the kitchen?"

[SweetGirl]

I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[absar]

[SweetGirl]

Adult Swim
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are swimming breast stroke in a race. The blonde comes in last and says, I
don't mean to be a a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their hands

[SweetGirl]

Yo mama's so poor... shoe
Yo mama's so poor, I saw her walking down the street with only one shoe on. I said, ''Hey, Mrs Jones, you've lost a shoe,'' and she said ''No, it's alright, I found one''.

[SweetGirl]

Warm and Moist

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.

CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?

MAN: Yes.

CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?

MAN: He's at home.

CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.

MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.

CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?

MAN: Yes.

CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?

MAN: He's at home!

CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.


The next day the man returns.

CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?

MAN: Put your hand inside.

CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?

MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

[SweetGirl]

English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

[SweetGirl]

Drunken Man and Blonde




Drunken Man and Blonde

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?''

The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three times.''

[SweetGirl]

Blonde haircut
A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut. The barber asks her to take off her headphones, and she says she needs them and can't take them off. As he starts to cut her hair, she falls asleep in the chair. The barber can't cut her hair correctly with the earphones on, so he removes them, and after 30 seconds she drops dead. Startled by what's happened, he picks up the earphones to listen what it was and they said: "Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out..."


Blondes rulezzzzzzzz